dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
