Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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