my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you inspire me to be a worse person
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize