dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
