I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
