Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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