Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
