No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
