My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
