ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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