YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I faked an abortion last night.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
