I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
