Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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