capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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