Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
