3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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