3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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