just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
