The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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