i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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