tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
