I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
