I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
