I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
