It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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