I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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