he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
