If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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