Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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