she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
