Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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