I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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