I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
