Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's just like the Real World with babies
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
