If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize