the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
