My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
