Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
