Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
