Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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