The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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