I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
