So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize