I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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