just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
