Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize