You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
