I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize