I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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