saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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