we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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