True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
