Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
