You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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