i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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