Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
