dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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