Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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