and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
