I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
