her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
