let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
