Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
