It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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