you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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