I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
