So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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