You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
