Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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