some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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