I skipped work to stalk him.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
