This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
